she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
