if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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