Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
