you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
