this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
