you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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