I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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