the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
