now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Boobs speak an international language.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
