I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
