Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
