Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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