Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
