I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
