Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
