As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
