Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
