I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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