I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
