Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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