Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
