It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
someone owes me an orgasm
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
