I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
