i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
