Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
