I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
