i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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