I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
