my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
