the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
