if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
