I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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