bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
