she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
