the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
