Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
