Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
