Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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