The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
