So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
