Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
