either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
