I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
