apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
