TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
