he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
