She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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