i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
