Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
