remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
it hurts more in the daytime
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
