All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
