i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
